Are you feeling sluggish and pudgy? Do you have a deep, vague distrust of most diet and exercise regimes? Do you spend unhealthy amounts of time sprawled on the couch watching movies?
Never fear! Your days of feeling like Jabba the Hut are over.
Simply follow these handy tips from your favourite iconic blockbuster films, and you’ll be feeling svelte and slinky in no time!
In the words of the mysterious old man in ‘The Gremlins’, don’t feed after midnight. If you are cute and cuddly, and you eat after 12 AM, you will soon be unsightly and homicidal.
Instead of eating regular meals, consider compacting rubbish into a small cube and then depositing it in a warehouse. You too can achieve Wall-E’s enviable figure.
Instead of jogging on a treadmill, consider running away from explosions without turning around. This fun exercise tip from John McClane is sure to improve your running times.
Use your friends to help you lose weight. Simply invite them to participate in a grisly, televised fight to the death in an arena where the only berries you’ll find are definitely poisonous. Your friends are sure to thank you for it!
Diet pills! Take the red pill, leave the Matrix and eat nothing but nutritious grey gloop for the rest of your life. It also won’t be long before you magically know Kung Fu. Thank you, diet pills!
And there you have it! Soon you’ll have that Hollywood movie body that you’ve always wanted.