Just Girly Thingz

 

A short list of girly things which I do about as successfully as someone’s dad.

1. Walking in heels: I generally base my walk on my idol, Godzilla. When I wear heels at nice events, this tends to make people think I am on the rampage. Or that I have as much practice walking in heels as a prehistoric, Japanese lizard monster. They would be right.

2. Using a straightener without starting a small fire. Can’t do it. Nope. On the bright side, I feel that this could be a useful skill when the zombie apocalypse comes.

3. Giggling coquettishly: The following video simulation accurately portrays my best coquettish giggle.

4. Plucking my eyebrows: I have never intentionally pulled a single hair from my eyebrows. I know what you’re thinking …

But actually, my eyebrows are blonde, and are therefore invisible to the naked eye. If they met in the middle and were plotting to conquer the rest of my face, you’d never know and neither would I.

5. Doing my nails:

My adorable friend Alyssa has fingernails like works of art. She will paint an intricate snowflake design on each finger and it invariably looks fantastic.

I, on the other hand, am the sort of person who would lovingly paint an intricate snowflake design on a couple of fingernails, get bored, tell myself I’ll finish later, go eat something while the varnish is still wet, smudge the varnish, and not clean it off my nails again because I accidentally bought four chocolate bars instead of nail polish remover.

We’ve all been there, right?

But I am at peace with my eyebrows and my fingernails. And there are many other girly things which I get exactly right.

There’s no one out there as bad at opening jars as me.

Or at borrowing other people’s clothes and never giving them back.

Maybe needlessly worrying about fulfilling every female stereotype isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe I should find different life goals besides learning to grow darker eyebrows so I can then pluck them out again.

…

…

Although, as someone wise (me) once said: never trust an eyebrow.

I should probably ask a boy for his opinion, just to be sure.